A few weeks ago, I posted this piece calledTen Things I Didn't Realize I would Have To Teach My Kids. One of the things I included was "How To talk On The Phone" and that one really seemed to strike a chord with my readers as several comments alluded to this being a problem for many other parents as well.
When I first had my daughters, I envisioned them spending hours and hours on the phone talking to friends during their adolescent years. My two oldest daughters have now reached an age at which they actually do occasionally have friends call them at home. As I stated in the original post, often the initial conversation goes like this:
Me: Hello.
Friend: Hi.
(Silence)
Me: Who are you calling to talk to?
Friend: Megan
Me: Ok She can't talk right now because she is doing her homework. Can she call you back?
Friend: O.K.
Me: Well, who is this?
Friend: [gives first name only]
Me: Well, I'll have her call you when she finishes her homework.
Friend: 'K
Me: Bye
~Click~
Have you ever had a conversation like that with one of your child's friends? Personally, I find it rather frustrating. They called my house, yet I'm the one doing all the "work." It's like going on a archaeological dig for information.
The fact is that kids these days are so busy emailing and/or texting, they don't have as many opportunities to practice actual verbal communication skills. It seems that the phone is only used as their last resort method of connecting with others. Adults do this too, which means kids rarely even overhear their parents talking on the phone. As a result, I have found that phone manners among young people are severely lacking. The phone may be used less and less, but it is not going to disappear. Therefore, I have come up with some basic points of "Phone Etiquette" all kids should learn.
- Identify yourself. Contrary to your egocentric state of mind, I do not automatically know who you are simply by the sound of your voice. Believe it or not, some people don't have caller ID either. When I say "Hello" your response should be something similar to, "Hello. This is (say your name)."
- Tell me WHY you are calling. First of all, I have three daughters and, since I may not know who you are, I've only got a 33.3% chance of correctly guessing which one you want to speak with. After that first introduction, your next words should be a POLITE request specifying your purpose such as, "Could I please speak to ____________?"
- Use your manners. Why is this important? Because I'm listening and, right or wrong, I'm judging. They are my little girls and, ultimately, I decide who they are allowed to have as friends (At least until they can pay to put a roof over their own heads.) If you are disrespectful or unable to communicate intelligently durning a simple thirty second phone exchange, it is likely that you are disrespectful and unable to communicate effectively in real life. Therefore, it is also likely that I will have serious reservations about the amount of time my daughter is allowed to spend in your presence. I know this sounds harsh, but I'm just being honest. There is a quote that says "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." So, take my advice and do your best to make a good first impression.
- Speak clearly. I'm old. At least compared you. If you mumble, I can't hear you. If you speak super fast, I can't keep up. If you use use popular slang terms, I won't understand what you mean. Make it easy on me and just speak clearly in a language that makes sense to us elderly folks, okay?
- Give adequate information. In the conversation I outlined above, did you notice something was missing?? The kids' phone number perhaps? How is my daughter supposed to call you back if she doesn't know your number? Remember, I said that not everyone has caller ID. It is perfectly appropriate to give additional information as well. So you need her to call you ASAP because you have a question about homework?? Or maybe she should wait until tomorrow because your younger brother is going to bed. Perhaps you are calling from your mom's cell phone which means my daughter should prepare to follow all these same tips since it is highly like that your momwill answer when she calls.
- Respect family differences. You go to bed at 11:00pm? Fine. My girls go to bed earlier than that (much earlier, in fact) so don't call too late. Also, don't call right at 6:00 when we are probably eating supper. In short, before you call, think about the person/people you are calling and,as much as possible,make sure you are being respectful of their schedules andlifestyle.
Although my list or "rules" is slightly tongue-and-cheek, I really do believe that effective communication is an important skill to master andI really don't think these expectations are too much to ask. I promise you we are trying very hard to make sure our daughters learn these "rules" as well. Hopefully, the next time one of their friends calls our house, they will put these kind suggestions into practice so that it's a little less work for me and a little more productive for them!
